We have been living in the newborn vortex at our house. I am always checking the calendar to remind myself what day it is, always checking the clock to remind myself when he last ate, always washing some onesies and swaddle blankets that are covered in dried up milk. At first I was high on those sweet newborn baby chemicals, the kind that let you live with two hours of sleep at night and still feel like you're in heaven anyway. But after a few days of no sleep, after the pumped up adrenaline from my miraculous conveyance had worn down, I was purely in survival mode.
Now it's Thursday (is it Thursday?) and today I am seeing through eyes that have renewed energy. After two of the coldest June days I've ever witnessed, the sun is shining. We had a park play date with friends and I had six (not consecutive, mind you...) glorious hours of sleep last night.
Beck will start sleeping in the nursery tonight. It's nerve wrecking and also just very, very needed. They're such loud sleepers, these babes. If there is one thing we have learned it's that mama needs sleep. It's all but absurd how much I need some sleep in order to maintain my sanity.
This week the hubs went back to work, and I always hate that part. I love that we are such a good team with the boys, taking turns with feedings for Beck and time for Jace. We hand off the baton and we rock this relay, I mean really rock it, you know? And then he leaves to go to work and I feel a little bit like I'm missing something around here.
Tuesday I had my very first outing with two kids all by myself. It was quite the adrenaline rush, anticipation and fear all rolled into one. But we made it, we survived! And since then we've had a few more outings, each one with less anxiety than the last. I've mastered the art of doing things one handed now, like PB&J sandwiches and buttoning Jace's pants after a potty break. I feel a little bit like a juggler at the circus, and it's sort of exhilarating to see how talented I am at juggling. Who knew? I should have joined the circus a long time ago I suppose.
When Beck arrived I was convinced he and Jace were identical twins, only three years apart. But as the days go by Beck is really showing off his very own features, separate of his big brother's newborn features. While Jace was born our little red head, Beck has this beautiful brown that is painted with highlights of blonde. Jace had bright blue eyes that never changed, and Beck has deep blue eyes that I am convinced will turn into his daddy's green ones. His face is round and his nose is wider. I have a love/hate relationship with them growing. It's so sad how fast it goes, while also so very delightful to watch them become themselves.
And the truth is, I was sort of petrified of having another baby, because the love I have for my first was so strong that I was all but convinced it wasn't even possible to share that kind of love. But my fears were quickly extinguished when Beck arrived. It's mind blowing, and also insanely scary, how much I love these boys of mine.
Well there is no real point to this post except to show off some ridiculously delicious baby cheeks. That's what you came here for, am I right?
^^ also, let me throw a big shout out to that homemade jalapeno asiago artisan bread from the farmers market. It was the best I've had, hands down. I never got the name of the baker but mind you, I'll be back for more every week so I'll let you know.
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