10/16/2012

Because sometimes I feel so ordinary.



I don't usually watch the presidential debates. And tonight, I remember why. I was a wreck, I tell you! A squirmy, fidgety wreck! I hate the tension and the meanness. I hate the biased mediator. I hate the fake smiles and the fake laughs and the lies! Ugh, I hate debates.

So anyway, here I am writing on the blog to "wind down". Breathe, I keep telling myself. It's all over. Breathe.

Soooo, I thought about blogging today. You know, because my weekly editions are supposed to help me keep a better schedule and what not. And I do have quite the thought that has been weighing on my mind lately. So here I am, to share it with you, as I {most} always do.

And it might start out sounding a little drab, but don't be fooled-it's not.

See, sometimes...well really, a lot of times, I feel very mediocre. (And seriously, don't even ask me how many times I just tried to spell that before I had to google it!)

But I do. I really do feel just plain old ordinary. And please tell me I'm not the only one? It's just that I see so many fantastic people that do so many fantastic things. And I feel like I try, and I have high hopes and dreams and ambitions. (sing along!) But then I feel like I most always come out just so...mediocre! I feel like that's how I've been my whole entire life, in everything. I do "just fine", but I never really "excel".

And here's the thing. I'm 28 years old. And I wrote 27 first, before I had to delete the 7 and replace it with an 8. Because I forget, I'm a whole year older now! And this is the truth. The truth, the truth is...I love getting older. (gasp!) I mean sure, those gosh darn wrinkles around my eyes are getting more pronounced and I'm not exactly excited about them. But for me, when it comes to getting older the good far outweighs the bad.

Every year I'm learning and growing so much that it's kind of ridiculous. I feel like I have skyrocketed to the moon since where I was 10 years ago. And I continue to learn, everyday. I'm figuring out who I'm becoming, and who I want to be. I mean the real stuff,who I really want to be, what I really want out of life. Not just the high school version of what I thought life was about. I'm learning through living, and if that's not the real stuff well then I don't know what is!

And if we're being honest, which I am, of course... Each year I feel less and less "mediocre". And even though I still feel like I don't excel the way I want to...I feel that I am *this close* (holds thumb and index finger an inch apart) to finally being something more than that. Closer than I ever have been before.

It hasn't been easy. No sir, it's been far from easy! But I look around me and I'm amazed at how every stumbling block I've crossed in life so far has created a path to walk on. A path that has led me here, to where I am. And I have no doubt in my mind this is where I need to be. Here in this house that I love with all my heart. Here, married to the man who is my best friend. The man who I share a connection with, a connection that I couldn't have with any other person in this entire universe! Here with my sweet little boy, the start to our family together. I really couldn't ask for more!

But here, I'm gaining more ambitions. I have more goals and dreams, of hopes that are not only looking attainable but that really put a shine in my heart when I think about them. Do you have any of those? Any dreams for your life, that if you thought about living would really put a sparkle in your eyes??

I'm on the verge, you guys. The verge of greatness!

And if there is one thing I'm really learning, it's that you can't dwell on the past. I can't stew in what I should have done, what I should have pursued, who I should have been to help me better where I am now. Because what does that accomplish? Not-a-thing, that's what. No, the past is the past. If I want to feel more than ordinary, then now is the time to do it!

I have a feeling husband and I are going to have a fantastic, eye-opening year. I have a feeling good things are on their way. I have a feeling that my mediocre days are going to be far behind me. And I just. can't. wait.

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