12/10/2012

His protector.

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Remember when you were a kid, and fear was just a fraud? Do you remember how your mom and dad would tuck you into bed, and you could fall asleep with no thoughts or fears of anything terrible happening in the night? Mom would turn on your dinosaur nightlight, dad would cover you with your blankets, and that was that. If you heard a sound in the night that woke you or if you had a bad dream, you would just mosey on over to mom and dad's room and snuggle with them in bed. That's all it took to make everything safe and right again.

I was thinking about this tonight. About my role as a protector for mister J. He always feels safe. He always knows that someone will be here to catch him or pick him back up when he falls. We are the first faces he sees every morning, and the last he sees every night. If anything bothers him or scares him, we are who he runs to.

I love being his protector. Being the one he turns to when he's scared. I hope that lasts forever and ever.

But in all honesty...it scares the hell out of me. I'm in charge of his life, of keeping him safe and warm and happy. Good gravy, what responsibility!? And the thing that scares me the most, is loving someone so much that you don't know what you would ever do if something happened to them.

It's crazy, this being a mother thing. How suddenly he's the first thing on my priority list and he takes over my entire world. How much life and love I hold in my hands. A part of me, a part of Dan, and mostly all himself, wrapped up into this web of life and love and happiness that we constantly spin. It's so much work, so much responsibility, so much reward! I love that he feels safe here. In this home, in our arms...he is happy, safe, and loved. I hope I can make him feel that from me, always.

And most importantly, I hope I can always keep him safe.

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