12/17/2012

Thoughts for Connecticut & A Christmas celebration

I still remember the very first time I ever had the wind knocked out of me. I had fallen out of a tree I was climbing in our backyard. I remember laying on the ground, on my back, staring at the sky and not being able to breath. I didn't know what was happening, I just couldn't take a breath. I lay there on the grass, waiting until I could breathe again. The longest minutes of my life as an 8 year old.

When I think about getting up on a regular Friday morning, feeding my sweet little boy breakfast and getting him ready for the day, sending him out into the world, and then never seeing him again...that's what happens. The wind is knocked out of me, and I can't find the air I need to take a breath.

There has been a storm cloud hanging over my head since Friday's shooting in CT. It has been the first thing I think about each morning, and the last thing I think about as I lay restless in bed each night. My heart is broken for those sweet little angels, and I am reminded of it as I see their faces online every single day. I think all of us realize how unfathomable it is. How heart wrenching. How horrific. My love and prayers have been non stop with those families in ct who are missing their children right now.

For a short while I was able to push aside that icky, unending sadness that has clouded my head this weekend. Saturday Dan and I took Jace to Salt Lake City, and we had a fabulous time. We did Christmas shopping at the Gateway, we ate chinese at the food court, we walked around the city, we got hot drinks to keep our hands warm at starbucks, we rode the trax, and we toured the beautiful christmas lights at temple square. All the while not taking our little boy for granted for one single second, knowing how incredibly blessed we are to have him healthy and happy, and WITH us.

Jace had an absolute ball. He laughed and giggled and pointed and oohed and ahhed. I felt like we were in disneyland, that's how much fun he had! It was the best time. Just me and my sweet little family, celebrating Christmas time.

If there has been one thing I have realized this past few days, through the sorrow, it's how blessed I am. How short life is. And how much I need to remember not to take it for granted.

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