4/10/2013

You guys, this is a cheesy one. The cheesiest, but the truest.

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Sometimes I feel insignificant. Completley, one hundred percent insignificant. Because while I live in this huge world, bigger than I could ever know, I also live in this small college town that I grew up in. The kind of town that sometimes I love with all of my heart and soul, and other times I feel like it's eating me whole without giving me the chance to prove who I am.

But then there are days that give me a new perspective. Days when I actually feel significant, which is far better and probably far more accurate if I really knew the truth. Days like Monday, when nap time rolled around and my fun loving toddler fought his nap with every ounce of energy he could muster. So me, with all of the patience I could find, I let him throw his temper tantrum and cry while I sat next to him on the floor quietly waiting. Sure enough, after flailing next to me for some time, because those temper tantrums are nothing if not for the flailing, he wore himself right out. He whimpered and climbed into my lap where I was waiting with open arms to wrap him tight and hold him until he fell asleep in the crevice of my elbow.


Days like yesterday, when the sweet older gent who has been coming to my office since the beginning of time tells me, "You are lovely and beautiful, and I look forward to seeing you each time I come in for a visit. You are my special friend, and I love you."

When a new reader finds my blog and lets me know that it inspired them in one way or another. When my sister calls me for advice. When a friend goes through something I went through, and I can be a shoulder to cry on.

These are days and times that I feel rather significant. Times that remind me in my heart that no matter how small my mind likes to make me believe I am, I really do matter in this big world. I really do make a difference. I really am needed.

I often lay in bed at nights and dream. If you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders. My mind wanders, much too often, and I find myself traveling the world with the loves of my life. I find us river rafting through the grand canyon, backpacking through europe, standing in front of the eiffel tower and taking pictures like the epitomy of the tourists that we would be. I dream of tasting fine cheese in a quaint little shop on the outskirts of Philidalphia. Riding the ferry boat from Seattle to Bainbridge Island, where we can eat lunch at the kind of restaurant that sits you on a deck with an immaculate view. I dream of hotel rooms with my little family, skipping nap times so we can take Jace to pier 39 and let him watch the sea lions in the rain. And then we always come home after our travels, home to the house we love in our little college town, home to tend to the garden and feel a little routine for a while until we leave on another trip.

That's where my mind goes when it wanders. And although it's marvelous daydreaming, it often leaves me feeling a little more empty inside. Because, when?! When will we get to live our dreams this way?

The truth is, I have big dreams. And somewhere inside of me I have this knowledge, this affirmation that tells me I am really going to go places in this big world. I know that I have been knocked down, that I have failed numerous times, but it is all to make the success that much sweeter. I have been through the hard times and because of them I have found myself, the kind of me that I always only dreamed I could be. I have dripped sweat and tears and I will still, but no one can ever say I don't work hard for all that I have. I have no doubt in my mind that me and my little family, we are really going places. Slowly but surely, we are going to go far. If I look back I can see that we have already progressed so much. This continual progression coupled with some leaps of faith, and my goodness I can only imagine how much farther we are going to go.

And after all of this rambling, which I tend to do, it all comes down to one thing that I honest to goodness wanted to get out there for everyone to read: I hope that when you feel insignificant, you can sit yourself down and think about your life. Think about it really hard, and I just know you will realize that you aren't even remotely insignificant. And I hope you have big dreams too. Because I'm here to tell you, life is so much better, so much sweeter with big hopes and dreams. When you're little they tell you to aim for the stars, and when you grow up and face the real world you think, by golly that is a load of rubbish! But you guys. It's not. Because even if you don't make it to those stars, I would all but guarantee that by aiming for them you make it a whole lot farther than you would of had you stayed in your comfy seat not aiming for anything at all.

The world is ours for the taking and what are you going to do with it? Make a decision, and do it. Maybe I'll see you out there somewhere, maybe we'll cross paths while we are feeling significant and making dreams come true. I hope so. Because if little old me can make it this far on hopes and dreams, if little old me can feel in the deepest part of my soul that my dreams are coming true, well you bet your bottom dollar that you can too.

2 comments:

  1. This is seriously so beautiful. Made my day.

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  2. Just what I needed Meghan!!! Thanks!

    ReplyDelete