6/26/2013

An attitude adjustment.

Yesterday I got the attitude change that I've been needing for a couple of weeks now. Praise the Lord!

You see. I decided to spend the last two weeks sulking around because nothing was going as planned and I felt as though I was getting kicked in the stomach on repeat. My grandma passing away sent my life into a tornado that whirled and whipped me around. The funeral came, preschool got cancelled, work got stressful, the bank account got drained, the fridge got bare. I said good-bye to my childhood home. Everyone was off schedule. The scale even added a few pounds to my magic number. It was a cut me a break already! kind of thing. But the breaks never came and the kicks got stronger and I cried woe is me while pressing the back of my hand to my forehead and acting dramatically just so.

As one does.

So yesterday when I had to go back to work and spend the week covering for our nurse who is MIA, when Jace slept in so I woke him up just in time to change his diaper and stick him in the carseat, when I noticed his eye full of goop and swollen shut, when I realized it was pink eye... WELL SHOOT, I was not a happy camper. Are you kidding me!? Really?! TODAY??!

I sulked a little more and stressed and even shed a few tears before that attitude change I told you about smacked me in the forehead with a 'OKAY YOU ARE DONE SULKING' imprint. And I was like, fiiinnnaalllyyy, thank you already. All I've been waiting for was a smack in the forehead!

It was the kind of smack that reminds me that I love my crazy life. I love the adventure of it. I love the people in it. I love my home and my boys and my puppy and my job and the summertime and nights spent eating peas in the garden. And I even love the craziness of the unknown and the change. I love it all so much and I don't know why I decided I wanted to sulk about everything. I've been through much harder, much more emotionally draining things than these.

Part of me thinks that as an optimistic, happy person, I really do need to have bad days and weeks. And why is that? I suppose to prove I am normal too? To prove to myself that even though I am amazing at making life look easy, it's really not? To show myself? Who knows why I do that sometimes, but the thing is, I do. And then I remember that it's all a CHOICE, and I remember that having a good attitude is the only thing I can really control in this crazy life.

It's sort of nuts how much a good attitude can change everything. How much it allows me to find strength in the pain and smiles in the tears and sunshine in the storm. And it's sort of nuts that I forget that.

It's like the "help" button on our fancy-from-the-future tv remote, the touch screen one that does everything except talk to you. Sometimes things are going wrong and I press the help button to my life, which says the same thing everytime. Did you change your attitude? YES. Did that fix the problem? YES. And also, THANK YOU.

The pink eye update: J is doing great, but preschool won't touch him for the week since I said the words "pink eye", which I might as well have said "the plague". Normally my job is very flexible but as I'm covering for our nurse I have been working long days. But daddy was able to take some time off, grandpa was able to help out a little, and J is in heaven! Spending the week with dad and grandpa! It's a party! This morning he dumped a bucket of rocks all over the living room, for lunch he ate three pieces of pizza, and grandpa called to ask "where is he getting all of these sharpie markers from?". I am scared to go home, but...he is one happy boy.

As you can imagine.

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