I'm going to be straight with you guys. Since Fall has hit, I've been a little bit bored. Summer time always fills up my schedule with activities and events and I can't hardly find time to breathe! Which is probably why summer flies by so fast. But now it's fall, well barely fall and more on the verge of winter, and my schedule is much more...relaxed.
I've only been putting in about 24 hours every week at the office, and I'm feeling like life has slowed down to an almost stop. I'm sort of used to juggling things and going crazy and I like that, you know? I think I like not having a lot of spare time. I think I like being a multitask-er and staying busy. I think I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not? Question mark?
Mister J is at the funnest age and also, the easiest age. Sort of. Not that it's always easy, but it's much much easier. He is independent and he can do most things on his own and sometimes I wonder what I'm here for? Of course that's being silly, I still put lunch on his plate and change his diapers and kiss his owies. Those are very important things. But now he says "change diaper mom!" while he lays down and waits. He says "play outside mom!" and I send him on his way where he plays with the neighbor kids for hours. I feel less needed and more...bored than ever before. Bored in a I love having these moments with my sweet boy but I also don't feel very accomplished when I'm sitting on a chair and reading all day kind of bored.
And the thing about me is, I'm not a homemaker. I wasn't born to be one, like some people were. Being a mother, now that I love. But a homemaker and a mother are two different things. A homemaker? A manager of the home? As my primary job? That isn't part of my makeup, you see.
Don't get me wrong or anything, I love our home. I'd go as far as to say that I'm in love with our home, every piece of it. I love being home. I love the smell. I love how it all feels equal parts owned, because we each leave our marks. Me, dad, Jace, even Rockie. It's our home together and I love it.
And in the home, I know I have to keep a schedule because it makes life easier. Like Saturday laundry day. I hate laundry day, but it just has to be done I suppose. And since Dan is dubbed the toilet-scrubber, I'm dubbed the laundry-doer. I make myself do laundry every saturday and that's life. The house has be vacuumed on mondays, another thing I'm not overly in love with but again, it just has to be done. The dishes in the sink have to be washed, and generally the hubs does this but you know, sometimes I pitch in.
The point is: I stick to a schedule sometimes when I'm really in the mood but I kind of do the bare minimum before I pull Jace away from the house looking for any excuse to get out and do something. I don't like sitting at home, it's just not fun. I like adventures. Now coming home after a long day, or after a long vacation, well those I things I love. But sitting at home all day long? Shakes head vigorously with a pouty face.
And on another note, do you know what makes me depressed the fastest of anything in the whole world, second to the month of January? Feeling LAZY. That's what will get me down. I hate feeling lazy.
I hate taking naps. I do it sometimes out of boredom and I hate it, because it makes me feel lazy. I hate watching tv or a movie in the middle of the day. Does anyone else hate that? I feel like if it's not dark outside I can't justify having the tv on. I hate wearing sweats. I know, barf all over me if you'd like, I realize I'm in the minority on that one. But I do! And perhaps it's just a sign that I don't own a really amazing pair of pajama pants, but I just don't like them. Call me crazy, but I like wearing jeans. (Don't ask me what I sleep in, that's a trick question.;))
I don't mind down time, time to relax and be lazy, but only if I've been very busy and accomplished for a while first. Does this make any sense to anyone?! I might be a crazy person. I am, aren't I? And don't get me wrong, I can be lazy if I set me mind to it. Just ask the hubs. But I don't like being lazy and it makes me depressed. That's what it comes down to, you know.
So to sum it all up: Life feels too easy right now. I feel like I should be doing more and juggling more, sometimes I'd really like to be working more, and don't tell me to have another baby if I want life to be hard because that will happen when it happens. Right now, in this moment, life is so easy and I shouldn't be complaining but I am? What is wrong with me anyway?
PS Did you make it through this entire blog post of me blabbing? FIST BUMP if you did.
PSS I am very aware that I overuse italics to get my points across in an exaggerated manner, just in case you thought it was on accident. It's not.
PPS OMGEEE does my boy need a haircut or what?! His hair is so thick and so luscious and I can't bear the thought of cutting any of it off. But I might soon. Not short, mind you, but enough that we might be able to keep that hair out of his eyes for all of these pictures I'm taking. And enough so that he doesn't get called a girl at least three times a day.
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