For years, I wasn't accomplishing the things that would lead me to be my best self, purely because I was waiting for the perfect time. Some examples?
Writing.
Meditating.
Yoga.
These things were just notions floating around in the air above me, waiting for me to reach up and grab them, but I often didn't because I had a full time job and two young boys and when could I find the time for peace and quiet and ease? WHEN?! Never, that is when, and so I just sat there waiting for those perfect moments. And they came, now and again, so when they came I snatched the notions as I could. That was a lovely yoga session in the quiet! It has been months! Or, I wrote another page in my book! It is coming along like a snail scoots to China but at least I had those twenty minutes of silence just now! Maybe I'll get that again in six more months, and I can write a second page!
Do you see what I mean? Do you see why I was sleepwalking passively through life, waiting for perfection to fall in my lap and only then being proactive because, only then could I live as my best self?
Do you see how silly that sounds?
I stopped that thought process this year. I started doing things like yoga in the living room while my boys were in the next room playing nintendo, loudly calling out every five minutes "MOM COME SEE THIS!" to which I would calmly reply from my downward dog "I have twenty more minutes of yoga and then I will be glad to, please be patient." and they wouldn't be patient, but I would finish my yoga just the same.
I started doing things like writing my book from my front porch while the boys ran in the sprinklers of the front lawn with loud screams of excitement, or writing from the back patio while they watched a tv show in the living room and, heaven forbid, letting them make their own lunches, or while they played on the slide at chick-fil-a and I sucked up the free wifi. And I would be interrupted, inevitably, but I would write and my boys would learn how important it is for me to write, and we would talk later about what I was writing, and about storytelling.
I started doing things like meditating in the morning chaos, shutting down my mind and sitting on my bed or the hardwood floor and closing my eyes to breathe. And when the boys would come in they would sit beside me, and put their hand on their heart, and breathe with me there. They wouldn't last as long but they would get enough in and I would think, well how lovely that because I am mediating with them here, they are learning the art of meditation themselves!
And maybe one day they will remember all of this about me, how I was mindful and how I found moments to breathe and connect throughout the crazy-ness of life and how I would sit beneath the shade of a tall maple tree and write my book (that maybe once they are older will be published, god willing) and how I would stop every now and again to let them tell me a story or get them an apple, and how hard I worked and how invested I was in all of the things I was passionate about.
And maybe one day that will make them want those things for themselves too.
And how sad it would have been if I had only done these things when the boys weren't there, when it was perfectly quiet and easy, how they wouldn't have learned those things for themselves at all.
And how sad it really would have been, because I would have waited for years and years and maybe never accomplished those things at all.
So, goodbye perfection, and hello to this season of a beautiful, messy, chaotic, loud and ever-changing life that is mine.
It is all about the journey, friends. Get out there and get you some.
We are now in the thick of a hot and sticky summer and I took a few pictures of how we are surviving so far! I hope you are doing well for July and drinking a lot of water and staying up late and living in the moment as much as you possibly can! Don't blink, Summer will be over all too soon! Exclamation marks and all!
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