things jace says

He says "hornk" instead of "honk". For example:

"Why that semi truck hornked his horn?"
"Mom, hornk the horn at that car right there!"
"Hey, his horn hornked!"

He is dead set that he is twenty years old. For no reason whatsoever, one day he just decided it. "I'm not three! I'm twenty!" And then twenty turned into his favorite number.

"You need to sit here on time out for ten minutes Jace."
"No! Twenty minutes!"

"Which episode of teenage mutant ninja turtles do you want to watch?"
"Twenty!" (as you can imagine, he's seen that one many times now...)

"Jace what time do you have?"
(looks at his teenage mutant ninja turtles watch on his wrist) "Twenty o'clock!"

It's the oddest thing, this obsession with twenty. But heaven forbid he hears me tell someone his age!

"How old is he?"
"He's three."
"NO I NOT, I TWENTY!"

One morning after Dan had gone to work:
Me to J: "Do you want some toast babe?"
J stares at me, then slowly looks over his right shoulder, then stares at me, then slowly looks over his left shoulder, then says: "Ummmm. Where's babe?"

Or when we were driving in the car on the way to school one morning:
Me to the truck in front of me: "Get outta my way slow poke mcpokey!"
Jace from the backseat: "You talkin' to me mom?"

While we were on a sunny walk one day, Jace zoomed past us on his tricycle and excitedly called back, "COME ON, HURRY UP MY FRIENDSSSS!"

One random conversation:

"Mom?"
"Yeah honey?"
"Member how Beck was in your belly?"
"Yep, he was in my belly. And then he came out huh?"
"From your belly door?"

At the hospital during our bouts of nasty bugs one evening, as we passed the elevators:

"Mom! We gotta get on those alligators!"

One of his happy meal toys was a walkie talkie, which was a HUGE hit. He walked around the house all night repeating this phrases into the walkie talkie:

"Yes Roger!! Coffee that!!"

As we were grabbing Chinese takeout the other night, the girl taking my order had a big top knot bun:

"Mom, look at her weird hair!"

Uhhhh, sorry about my son. Your hair is beautiful... (it was funny looking. kids, they don't lie.)

As he was playing with his toys in the other room we heard him loudly and slowly exclaim, "HOLYYYYY CRRAPPPP!"

And my very favorite:

The other night Jace was being naughty and needed a time out. He was holding a piece of pumpkin bread in his hand which I took away as I hauled him up the stairs to put him in his room. It so happens that as I took away his bread it broke into a hundred pieces, which really just aggravated the whole situation. He was a blubbering mess!

I let him calm down in his bedroom for a good ten minutes before I went in to talk to him. His eyes were red and puffy from crying.

"Hey baby. Come talk to me." I said with open arms.
He sulked into my lap. "Mom," He whimpered, "You broke my bread and you broke my heart."

Another edition of THINGS JACE SAYS

Recently I have had quite a few glimpses into life with a teenager. Just yesterday he slammed the door in my face while exaggerating his "MOOOOOMMM!" because I walked in on him naked while he was rummaging through his drawers for a new pair of underwear. He shouts "I don't WANNA go to school today!" when I have to wake him up on the mornings he sleeps in. It's this small glimpse into my future with a house of teenage boys.

Truthfully, three-almost-four is terribly fun. Mind you, that's my humble and very optimistic opinion. Three-almost-four is hot and cold, indecisive, inquisitive, demanding, loving, independent, humorously amusing, and fun.

And let's talk about the questions. Oh the questions! Heaven help me! Our Jace, he's not the typical, "why? why? but why? why? why?" questions. He's a particular questioner. He wants to know everything, don't skimp on the details! "What happened to that car? Why are the clouds moving? Where is santa clause? Why is there paint on the road? Who painted it? Why is it red? What happened to that house? Why is that the fire station? But who put it there? Why is that kid crying? Who is that a picture of? But what is his name?" He's a very, very curious boy.

And heaven forbid I give the wrong answer when he asks a question. This kid is too smart to pull that crap. Lately I have to dig really deep inside of me to find all of the patience I can muster. I have to remind myself often that he's just a kid and that he won't be a kid long enough. He's just a kid! Answer all of his questions! All of them! The entire car ride home! And don't forget all of the details! And don't make up your answers, because HE WILL ALWAYS KNOW WHEN YOU ARE MAKING THEM UP!

It's a joy, this questions stage.

Because I love to look back and remember these moments, let's briefly (HA!) talk about Jace at three-almost four: He will ride his bike outside all day long. He is so talented and speedy on that little bike. He whips it around and stands on one foot and cruises down the road and even speeds backwards while steering perfectly. It's probably his very favorite thing to do, riding that bike! He loves being a fireman, watching fire trucks, playing hotwheels (he has at least one million of them), motorcycles, four-wheelers, monster trucks, police cars and sirens. He doesn't love to watch tv but when he does his newest favorite is transformers. He also loves the Back to the Future series and ELF. He will easily eat ten pancakes in one sitting. His favorite color is red. And don't take that lightly, you don't understand, it's everything red. Kid is obsessed with the color red. He loves swimming, and don't try to help him! (thank you Lord for lifejackets). He can swim across the pool and back all by himself now and it's amazing to watch. He's very picky about being neat and clean, always changing his underwear and wiping his sticky hands. He's also very picky about his clothing. He chooses his outfit every single morning, and don't try to convince him to wear something different!

I may be a tad biased but my Jace is so wonderful. He's so very wonderful and I'm so very grateful for him everyday. Even on those especially hard days, when he's tried his darndest to really push my buttons, my head always hits my pillow at night filled with thoughts about how much I love him. He's so smart, so wonderfully independent and strong willed. He's so reserved and quiet around anyone new. He's so passionate. He's sweet and thoughtful and cares so much about how everyone else is feeling. He's this tender hearted thing that's trying so hard to fit a lot of very strong emotions into a very little body, and we are trying so hard to help him figure it all out. It's this painfully beautiful experience for all of us. Some days it's puddles of exhaustion and emotional tiredness and digging really deep to make sure we are pulling all of our patience from our patience wells that are threatening to run dry. But it's beautiful and perfect and I'm so amazed and proud of him, and just so very grateful that he's mine.

So here, let's dive into some of the funny little remarks that really make our days fun around our home. As of late, here's another little edition of THINGS JACE SAYS! (You're welcome.)


******

** (flushes the toilet) "Look, da bubbles are going on a fun ride! Weeeeeee!"



** (Beck is babbling in the backseat) "Mom! Beck is talkin' to a ghost!"



** on that ghost note:

(One night while Dan was putting him to bed, pointing to the empty corner in his bedroom) "Dad, dares a ghost right dare. He's right dare, see him? He's very frustrated, don't talk to him."

(CAH-reepy. So glad I wasn't there for that one.)



** (I hand him his juice) "Thanks Meg!"



** (Beck smiles at him) "Oh look, Beck is just a happy camper!"



** Says a quiet prayer at dinner time, and instead of saying AMEN at the end of his prayer he yells out, "THE END!"



** (panicked) "Mom, hurry!! Dares a snake in my nose!" (as a stream of snot is running out of his nose)



** (One day his cup of applesauce was sitting next to an ad for Einstein bagels from the newspaper.) "Mom I need to go use da toilet. Don't let dose paper donuts eat my applesauce, okay? Tell them, say DONUTS, DON'T EAT JACE'S APPLESAUCE!" (and I did. I told those "paper donuts"....)




** "I'm superman and I'm gonna save da day wid my glasses!" (puts on his superhero mask.) (I didn't correct him, because he's right! They should be called superhero glasses!)




** Dan: "You're growing up so fast, you're like a little boy!" Jace: (in a deep growly voice) "No I not, I'm a MAN!"




** Turns around and accidentally runs into a guy's leg. Looks up at him and says, "You're welcome!"




** (Beck is fussing, Jace pats his head) "Hey, jus be a happy boy Beck! Come on, jus be a happy boy!"




** (has his hands down his pants) Me: "Quit playing with that!" Jace: "Why, cuz it's not a toy?"

things jace says

As a parent, with every age your child reaches there are both ups and downs. Every year I sentimentally exclaim, oh this is my favorite age so far! And then the next year comes and I say the same thing. But now that I have two kids, it's more about the comparison of ages. You know, aside from the fact that we could own another HOME with the amount we pay towards daycare for two children, having two is kind of the best.

Have I told you how much easier the second is, by the by? I feel like a pro. I’m not, but I feel like one. I often think about how hard it must be being the oldest! You are the experiment of what not to do and what to do better for the next child. With B I know what to expect, how to really man things like a boss, and I also worry much less this time around. It’s all very nice! I like two. One was fun and three would probably push me over the top, but two...that's the stuff.

Right now, for example, I have moments when I wake up at 4:00 in the morning to feed or when I’m changing an extremely rancid diaper that I think to myself: isn’t it nice that Jace is so independent?! And in the same regards, when Jace sassily talks back to me or when he interrupts mine and dan’s conversations EVERYTIME WE ARE TALKING because CAN’T WE SEE THAT IT’S MUCH MORE IMPORTANT WHAT HE HAS TO SAY, or when he gets his tender feelings hurt by a boy who doesn’t want to play with him anymore and it breaks my mama heart in two, I think to myself: isn’t four months a wonderfully refreshing and easy age?!

The truth is, while both of my boys are growing at an alarming rate, the one I’m having the hardest time with about it all right now is Jace. He lost all of his baby fat. All of it! He’s tall and lanky, he sleeps in his underwear and refuses pajamas, he chooses his own outfits, and he is becoming ever more picky about when he wants to cuddle and give kisses. And it is hard. I see him growing into a boy right in front of my eyes and I can’t stop it. I love the independence, I love that he can tag along with us more and more, that we can teach him things and he can really enjoy all of our adventures. But it is hard. Sometimes I look at him and it’s this sudden shock of, wait, who are you?! It’s scary and emotional and I love him so much I could burst.

Slow down time. Slow the heck down.

BUT ANYWAY.

Jace cracks us up on a daily basis. That’s probably my favorite thing about this age, the funny and random things he comes up with. In fact with all of the attitude that comes along with three years old, THANK THE HEAVENS for all of the funny things he says! They really make up for it. Most of the time. So I try to keep track of them all and my list is too good not to share sometimes. Without further ado, may I present: THINGS JACE SAYS.

(the cleverest of titles, no?)

• “Dees bugs are fighting over dare mom! Hurry! Get dem, dey are fighting!” (I walk over to investigate and he is squatted over a pair of box elder bugs that are mating)(don't worry, I decided he is too young for that talk yet.)

• (pointing at each of my boobs) “You got two babies in dare?”

• (standing inside with his head poked out of the back door and shouting,) “I sorry, you can’t come inside. I sorry! You can’t! You just hafta play outside. I sorry.”
Me: "Who are you talking to baby?"
J: Jus' da wind.

• (while I am playing with Rockie) “Mom. Pweese don’t talk to my dog. Dats MY dog. Pweese don’t talk to huh, okay? And danks.”

• (randomly in the car, after a few minutes of silent driving) “Mom? Member how gwandpa’s not here in our car?”

• Dan: Okkayy buddy, that’s enough soda.
J: (genuinely laughing) Hahaha! You're funny dad!”

• (sees me drinking a glass of water) "What da heck?! You hab waters too? Let’s cheers!” proceeds to hit my cup with his and says, “CHEERS!”

• (Dan drops something on the floor while in the other room and says, “Darn it!”, J comes running into the room) “Knock it off, dad!!”

• (Ingrid Michaelson’s “boys chase girls” comes on the radio) "HEYYY DIS IS MY SONGGGG!”

• (sees a dollar bill on the tv) “Oh look! He got a million dollahs!”

• (walks into the bathroom that still stinks from the previous use) "OH! MY! GOSH!"

• (turns on beck’s swing music which plays a little Mozart ditty) "dats a yoga song. I need to do da yogas.” Proceeds to do handstands and summersaults across the room to the music.

• (a story he told me while driving the other day) “da banana spit on da police man. And he had to take him to jail, but he couldn’t reach him, so da fireman had to get da banana. Da fireman jus reached him and got him, da banana dat spit on da policeman, an he got da banana. da fireman did."

• (whenever he does something that he knows he shouldn’t have done) “pweese don’t be fwustwated mom! jus' be happy!”

• (every morning this week) “I go to school in da mountains today?”



This kid, itellyouwhat.